Life...a bumpy road...

I walk through the glass doors into a building that smells like antiseptic and cleaning materials, my shoes squeak on the white linoleum tile floor. The elevator dings when i push the UP button and the doors slide open. I press the button for floor 2 and the elevator starts to rise, as it does my spirits plummet to the basement. No one likes going to a hospital, much less anyone in my family after what happened to dad (ie. death scares, icu visits, and a long long recovery) and now, another family member is there. My grandpa, the person who told me war stories and wrote my birthday cards, who used to tell me he was 'Fine as Frogs Hair.". He is a man who always has a joke on hand to lighten up any situation, and i adore him and always have. He is my hero, he went through World War 2, saw the signing of the peace treaty between Japan and The United states, he has had a full life.

I heard today from my parents that he is dying, and won't be leaving the hospital. You can imagine how i feel, devastated, sad, a little angry, and even a little relieved for him. As I enter the room to visit him, the monitor beeping in the corner as a reminder that we don't have much time left, and when I see a full face oxygen mask over his face I finally start to cry. I see 2 of my closest cousins, lance and meggan, standing next to him holding his hand making him feel loved and not alone in spite of what he faces. I hug them both and the tears fall harder. I don't know what to do, and feel a little lost.


As i stood there and carefully held his hand, he looked at me through the clear plastic mask and smiled at me and told me he was glad I came. Honestly I don't know how I kept it together enough to smile and talk to him. The Respiratory specialist came in long enough to take the mask off and readjust his oxygen, giving us cousins there a chance to kiss his leathery cheek and tell him we love him. I hugged him and heard his heartbeat against my ear, which made me cry again. Soon enough my sisters got there and The Husband (yes i'm married now. :) ) and I left the room to make room for more visitors.


I still don't know quite how to handle myself in the face of all this. Since then Grandpa has gotten a little better, the situation is not quite so dire and he his definitely looking better. It seems like we were gifted with a little more time with the man we all love.


Quirky